Heres is a nice picture of Claude Greengrass from ITVs 'Heartbeat'
Look! hes pretending to be a teacher and hes lying to a group of foreign
students who are trying to learn English. Hes teaching them swearwords.
What a dick.

Why bother inventing shit bands? Is there not enough around?

I don't think there is a televisual experience more capable of inducing such a fast transaction of heart sinking and sick rising, than the appearance of a character band. It comes in many incarnations, the earliest I can remember is California Dreams and Pugwall. Both programmes were from around the same era, more or less. Pugwall was funny because it was shit and the music was awful, California Dreams was shit, because everything in it was shit. Even The Monkees was much better until they started singing and pretending to play instruments, made more infuriating because, The Monkees were actually a cool band, that could play. Realisation that they were parodying their own performance was probably what tipped them over the edge and into the madness that was the utterly brilliant, Head. However, this was a one off, its not as though Fru And Barney went on to star in a psychedelic masterpiece directed by Jack Nicholson and featuring a cameo from Frank Zappa, is it?
Hollyoaks is a recent and hugely nauseating perpetrator of this heinous act. Please lobby them or something and tell them to stop it. The show is embarrassing enough to watch without the addition of stage school singing and poorly mimicked drumming actions.
Stop singing in Emmerdale, Stop fannying about with guitars in Hollyoaks and for gods sake, dont let Jack Duckworth perform any sort of literal swan-song whenever it is that he plans to float up to that allotment in the sky.

K.T. TUNSTALL..

..was once gang-sodomised by a family of bonobo monkeys, its a funny old world isnt it..