smels lyk teen spelling

BILL ODDIE, BILL ODDIE, PUT YOUR HANDS ALL OVER MY BODY

2010-09-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

A poster what i done, its of a 'woman', you get the general idea.

I have no idea why this has come up black, i think adobe Illustrator is trying to get me back for calling it a massive doyle earlier.

In other news Dave Benson Philips has contested the trademarking of both Benson and Hedges cigarettes and Philips electrical goods. Benson-Phillips (age 43)called a press conference at 9.00am yesterday at the Cullercoats sea life centre, as well as claiming copywrite and royalty fees from the two major brands Phillips also made a string of accusations against Cillit Bang (the uk bleach company) insisting that spokesperson Barry Scott was 'gunning for me since day one' and also labelled him a 'cunt'

C'était un Rendez-vous

2010-07-13T13:56:00.000-07:00

Proof the French know how to joy ride properly

KASPER THE FRIENDLY SCHMEICEL

2010-06-24T13:18:00.000-07:00

INSPIRATION BY CALVIN AND HOBBES KLEIN

2010-06-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

This was class, the toys were even better than the cartoon

As was this

And this

This was good too, Gary Panter was the art director, which you can sort of see actually

This on the other hand was totally fucking gay

PINK FLOYD GROSSMAN

2010-05-25T05:12:00.000-07:00

Some stuff i had at a recent show, ive got solo one soon so come down and praise/ridicule my stuff as you see fit

Books and tha'

JOAN RIVERS PHOENIX

2010-05-20T12:34:00.000-07:00

WATT TYLER DURDEN

2010-05-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

I need to buy a scanner.

In other news we are all fucked.

JORDANS BABY PLAYS FOR SPURS

2010-04-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

I have a show on high bridge street in newcastle. Proof.

FEZ LYF

This is actually in Walker

value="http://www.youtube.com/v/XdSfoO4Y_fg&hl=en_GB&fs=1&">

Watch this video then scream at your mum if you live with her, or just watch it cos its a good video.

"TORA TORA TORA THIS IS DEREK ACORA!"

2010-03-06T11:26:00.000-08:00

Dance with the devil

In the pale Acunelight

PEPSI MAX BRANNING

2010-02-25T13:39:00.001-08:00

Sugar Ray Robinson, whos daughter Miley Cyrus is currently making major waves in the pop scene

Don Carlos, the lyric should really be 'pass me the laser beam, and let me wipe out the number 31 bus driver by blinding him from the back of a Range Rover on Gosforth high street while my mums on the school run'

"I CAN PLAY THE KAOSS PAD", JUST PACK IT ALL IN NOW.

2010-02-23T13:08:00.000-08:00

Go to the new Eldon square and complain about the fact there is a global state of emergency in Haiti yet we need two Top Shops, you fucking hippie.

MR SCRUFF IS A SHITTY CUNT.

2010-02-12T09:36:00.000-08:00

I have certain problems with mr Scruff, the main one being the fact that from what i gather he makes a musical equivilent of Adrian Chiles opus 'the one show', incredibly inoffensive 'magazine' music, watered down parodies of tunes by true one offs such as Moondog (a faux scandinavian tramp who lived in New York and was one of the only truly off the wall composers of the 20th century, up there with Sun Ra in terms of being mad as a box of frogs and incredibly gifted) and puts them on homebase adverts. "Wow this new Mr Scruff song is really jumping isnt it guys" the utter doylems in certain hypocritical all welcome apart from people we dont like nightclubs cry, as a mad blind bastard turns in his grave.

Dont worry Moondog, you may have once been the viking of sixth avenue but at least you can now go and haunt Natwest.

My other problem with mr scruff is i heard he murdered ten people and is a crap nu jazz moby.

Coltrane Getz and Oscar Peterson, like some sort of 3-way Jazz Legion of Doom.

im off to darn my beret and eat some fucking onions.

(N.B. Mr Scuff probably didnt kill 10 people, so dont write in to the daily mail and stick it on the end of a letter about immigrants or anything)

FOR YEARS THEY WAS GIVING YOU LUNCH MEAT ONLY, NOW THEY GIVING YOU SPAM INSTEAD OF BALONEY

2010-02-11T13:37:00.000-08:00

Work related roffles.

more of the same, this time rowing machine related

This is a tune by PackFM, never heard of him until recently and im not really a fan of 'political hip-hop' (what with Saul Williams being a bit of a gaylord "free poetry" type and all) but i really rate this, i like the fact he goes off on an internet being the opium of the people style rant and then loads of bellends like me decide to put it on blogs to pretend that we are in some way partly responsible for making it. Irony is not just a periodic group 8 metallic element with an atomic number of 26 and an added cockneyism at the end.

BEYOND IMPRESSIVE

2010-02-03T13:15:00.000-08:00

Don McCullin -

http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_8492000/8492777.stm

Some peoples lives are fucking incredible. The last bit about the sniper is mindblowing.

MY LUCKY EGG

2010-02-02T12:06:00.000-08:00

The amateur footballers ambrosia

THINGS WERE BETTER WHEN EVERYTHING WAS SHITTER

2010-01-26T14:03:00.000-08:00

If only the mid day BBC2 detective series starred him, not the mousey fellow with the OCD.

The Bodines 1987

KMD 1990

PISS OFF NICHOLAS CAGE, YOU WERE ONLY GOOD IN RAISING ARIZONA

2010-01-25T14:48:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SH22LEtXd0A

ARTISTIC? I'D DESCRIBE MYSELF MORE AS 'ARTASTIC'

2009-12-25T12:11:00.000-08:00

My Christmas present. Absolutely bangin youth! ya done know etc

I did this a while ago, i dont know why i wrote 'fucked in the head' on the gent with receders grill, maybe he just looked like a wrongun.

In other news i am in the process of learning to talk like a west indian yardie, im gunning to be the only white west indian o.g. jesmond yardie in the whole of newcastle.

Im listening to a lot of dubstep to prepare myself.

Ive realised dubstep is like some sort of rubbish urban radiography to remove the cancer of liking good music from my sensiblilities and replacing this part of my brain with a voice that tells me that i should act like a complete fucking doylem from 'life and lyrics' or whatever, even though i was raised in a northern city known for its bread cakes and fishquay fesitivals.

this will fully prepare myself from listening to nothing but elephantman outside le beado on Acorn Rd.

"Fair point youth, fair point, straight up gully yah?"

NEARLY SANTAS BIRTHDAY

2009-12-23T15:18:00.000-08:00

In other news i got my dad some socks for christmas and have a bit of a rash on my arms

merry eczmas! HOHOHOSNAP!(sound of bucket being kicked away and neck being rendered from spine)

PETER SUTCLIFFE IN RUNNING TO WIN X FACTOR SHOCK!

2009-11-23T13:57:00.000-08:00

Yet another poorly scanned peice of drawing, the quote above it is nicked from Seymore Skinners alter-ego Armin Tamzarian, im sure he too 'steams a good ham'.

This is my friend Owain, he was once arrested for piracy (not selling hookey copies of 'the note book' in the pubs of Walker, real life shiver me timbers piracy) he has poorly balls so keep him in your thoughts.

A large stuffed animal near a lorry depot in Gateshead.

2009-11-16T14:49:00.000-08:00

THE CHUGGY SON OF GOD

2009-11-15T04:11:00.000-08:00

All hail Teesus

THINGS FOR HEADS

2009-11-02T14:32:00.000-08:00

Some stuff i did a while ago that might as well go on here..

Fit girls with skulls for heads! Yeah thats never been done!

And finally something else i did for a flyer that i scanned in amateurishly. I might even bite the bullet and learn how to use Illustrator soon, YOWZAH!

HES TRICKED THE GOALTENDER!

2009-11-02T05:47:00.000-08:00

Some truly innovative goal celebrations from the world of soccerball.

Temuri Ketsbaia, A Georgian lunatic who hates maccy Ds and now manages a major Greek team
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Dunno who this is but its awesome

As is this

Finally the man Tino Asprilla, Tino was my favourite player for a long time, he had the air of a villain in a Steve Segal film, constantly looked guilty and possibly hunted down catholic priests for sport in 50s South America (possibly)
I think he directed City of God too. He was also amazing at soccerball.

PROF. LONGHAIR

2009-10-19T15:33:00.000-07:00

Professor Longhair was a very odd bluesman from New Orleans, he played honkytonk piano and wore a turban. Sultry downs-syndrome warbler Lily Allen used the hook from 'big chief' in one of her hits. Check out 'crawfish fiesta'.

Alternatively dont and just watch X-factor instead.

THE GREAT OUTDOORS

2009-10-15T14:27:00.000-07:00

Dont let all this art shite fool you im actually really tasty, roundhouse-kicks and everything.

THE NINETIES.

2009-10-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

Maybe its just middle class white boys perogitive but ive always been of the opinion that hip hop was at its best during the 90's. Solid hooks etc and people actually being good at rapping rather thanblahblahwankgobbleblah[insert usual whinge commonplace in music circles about 'contemporary urban music' being utterly vacuous for a myriad of reasons here]wankwankblah. The fact that the best big uk rap prospect since..well pretty much ever has had to make it properly mainstream by making awful hip house records says a lot.

OC

Kool G Rap

Camp Lo

ZACH BRAHF? CHOKEWANKED TO DEATH? BY SLAVEKIDS!?!

2009-10-12T14:03:00.000-07:00

Road to nowhere (or Spital tongues, slightly less poetic)

A Nike box i drew on, CHECK ME OUT AND CHILL!

Finally, me and former AC Milan midfielder Bish have a new rowing machine, we are probably going to enter some sort of mixed-race triathalon. If such an event exists we will win it. MARK MY WORDS WE WILL WIN IT. Heres a nice picture of Bish sacking his own mum from his textile factory whilst converting carbs.

MY FAVOURITE TRAMP.

2009-10-11T15:23:00.000-07:00

I actually forgot to put this on earlier, this is a picture i did a while ago for a flyer of my favourite tramp in Newcastle, he goes by lots of different names (none of them i remember) but hes always struck me a quite the gent, ive never seen him geting lairy and he always seems to 'keep it real' (i suppose its pretty much a prerequisite of the outdoor lifestyle) Hes eating a record because im all hip and that (got my own blog and everything)

VARIOUS BLURRY PHOTOGRAPHS OF PEICES OF PAPER

2009-10-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

And finally a bit of wor Popeye, my favourite cartoon character barring that kid who looked like Carlos Tevez off 'mysterious cities of gold'
I think this cartoon was made in the 30s or 40s but its still pretty mindblowing today, hats of to you Dave Fleischer
(or whats left of you seeing as you've probably been dead for around 30 years)

FAKE LOMO

2009-10-08T12:56:00.000-07:00

GORBLIMEY GUVNOR WHAT A PALARVA! APPLES AND PEARS ETC

ROUNDED OF WITH A NICE BIRRA GOYA

MORE TALES FROM THE CRYPT

2009-10-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

COASTAL

2009-10-06T15:34:00.000-07:00

Went on a hunt round my dads 'hoarding room' at the coast, i'd love to get through all of it but i think weeks wouldnt be long enough, still found some interesting stuff

Derek Pell, one of the oddest books ive ever read.

I can think of a few people who'd want to get their filthy mits on the one above

A nice cup of tea safely smashed in and i was hurtling back to town through the picturesque suburbs of shiremoore and longbenton on Nexus' finest.

SONGS ABOUT SOLICITING

2009-09-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

Everybody knows curb crawling is just a cheeky bit of fun

2009-05-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

Heres is a nice picture of Claude Greengrass from ITVs 'Heartbeat'
Look! hes pretending to be a teacher and hes lying to a group of foreign
students who are trying to learn English. Hes teaching them swearwords.
What a dick.

Why bother inventing shit bands? Is there not enough around?

2009-05-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

I don't think there is a televisual experience more capable of inducing such a fast transaction of heart sinking and sick rising, than the appearance of a character band. It comes in many incarnations, the earliest I can remember is California Dreams and Pugwall. Both programmes were from around the same era, more or less. Pugwall was funny because it was shit and the music was awful, California Dreams was shit, because everything in it was shit. Even The Monkees was much better until they started singing and pretending to play instruments, made more infuriating because, The Monkees were actually a cool band, that could play. Realisation that they were parodying their own performance was probably what tipped them over the edge and into the madness that was the utterly brilliant, Head. However, this was a one off, its not as though Fru And Barney went on to star in a psychedelic masterpiece directed by Jack Nicholson and featuring a cameo from Frank Zappa, is it?
Hollyoaks is a recent and hugely nauseating perpetrator of this heinous act. Please lobby them or something and tell them to stop it. The show is embarrassing enough to watch without the addition of stage school singing and poorly mimicked drumming actions.
Stop singing in Emmerdale, Stop fannying about with guitars in Hollyoaks and for gods sake, dont let Jack Duckworth perform any sort of literal swan-song whenever it is that he plans to float up to that allotment in the sky.

K.T. TUNSTALL..

2009-05-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

..was once gang-sodomised by a family of bonobo monkeys, its a funny old world isnt it..

SOMEBODIES SLACK...

2009-04-26T12:07:00.001-07:00

...and it aint me

Joe

DETAILS

2009-04-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

RAD

2009-04-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

Chocolate city series, 2002 (i think, so probably not.)

CHEER UP MATE

2009-04-13T05:28:00.000-07:00

GOYA

2009-04-13T05:18:00.000-07:00

Goya was a painter and printmaker alive around the turn of the 17th Century, his hobbies included painting greek mythical gods eating babies and watching the snooker on his magic hi-def time travelling telly a gypsy who worked at Currys gave him.
His favourite player is Mark 'the Welsh wonder' Williams.

the new cunts

2009-04-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

is the new...

are the new...

are the new...

is the new...

2009-04-06T13:54:00.000-07:00

ITS NOT GAY TO LIKE...

hello lovelys

2009-04-06T12:40:00.000-07:00

Grey tracksuit bottoms (sweat-pants) are not appropriate attire for out of your house. You stupid cunt.